[First published on Indian Real Estate for Dummies on 11th Jul, 2015]
Some of the biggest bestsellers ever printed were “The Joy of Sex” and “More Joy of Sex.” Nice. We have nothing against those. But the question we ask you today is; Who on earth needs a darn book to tell us how joyful sex is? Most of us know that already. And if you don’t, chances are that reading those books won’t help you either.
Instead, what we need in these troubled times are books that help us extract joy and pleasure from situations that have zero joy and pleasure in them. And thus, as selfless public service, IREFD now presents. .
What we have below are excerpts from some of the mission critical chapters in a book you could really use if you are part of the slowing down real estate industry;
One of the greatest sources of acid, anxiety and stress for a real estate agent is what to do over the weekend. Questions such as: “Will that retailer call me back for the weekend site visit?” or “Will anyone from this planet ever call me again to check out that 3 BHK, which is showing in the inventory for almost a year now?” are no longer problems.
Because, you simply don’t have anyone sane around anymore to make a real estate purchase or lease inquiry. Even if someone does call you, it will be to jump all over your bones because the apartment you sold him is still a distant dream, which even the builder has woken up from. That would cause you another problem: mainly, how to stay alive with so many disgruntled real estate investors running amok on the streets.
Who needs such problems, mate? With the real estate industry slowing down in geometric recession over the last year or so, consider all the agonies you have avoided and all. . . .
Its the end of the month and you have not closed a single property sale yet. You had promised your bossman three sales minimum. This call you are going for now is your last hope of corporate survival in the near future. If you fail to close this sale, you may think that your life is over. As a matter of fact, it’s not. It is just the beginning of that show called reality. . . in a big way.
When your boss, colleagues, family members and friends call you “stupid”, “loser” and “bum,” don’t fight with them. On the contrary, agree with them. Pretty soon they will tire of hurling such verbal crap at you. Then, they will try and cheer you up by saying things like, “You’re really not a bum or a loser. Actually, you’re a bright kid stuck in the wrong industry!”
However, you should stay with your identification as a bum and a loser. Since there will be no respite in the situation for us real estate folks, make them feel that their harsh words have permanently damaged your psyche.
Next, they will start to feel responsible for your sad condition and will kill themselves, trying to make you happy and get rid of their guilts. That is the time when you. . . .
Torture, you say, when you are dragged to that real estate expo when you should be doing something far more fruitful?
Wrong my friend from real estate! It’s a JOY. . . if you think about it for a second. Where else on this planet can you reinforce your prejudices that all real estate investors along with their accountant best buddies are nincompoops? Where else can you feel totally justified and right in loathing members of your beloved industry? Like that builder who just launched a luxury homes project or announced a million square feet shopping mall.
Realty expos in such slow times afford a wonderful opportunity to drown yourself in self pity; that you are part of a sun
shine set industry that has such mindless oafs in it. Imagine when you walk up to this old. . .